A Glass Half Full... Of What?

Okay, okay, Okaaaaay. I'm feeling a little better today. I ate two and half cupcakes, a quarter pounder and a small order of fries and I practiced smiling in the bathroom mirror for half an hour and got over my self imposed preschool blues pity party.

I know I said when I first started this blog that I wasn't going to ramble on about my kid, but I'm going to ramble on about my kid.  If you don't like it, well, respectfully, you can leave.

In the spirit of new-agey positive crap, I am going to make a list of five reasons why I know sending N. to preschool is a good idea.  The following list is not in any particular order:

1. She needs "real" friends.  As my friend Tami has said, "Dora, Tico and Isa the Iguana are not real people."

2. Not everyone will treat you the way your mommy and daddy do.  Expecting everyone in the world to discipline, care and teach her the way her parents do will create a pathology in my daughter that will leave her eternally disappointed in others.  Putting her in preschool now will teach her not to expect other authority figures to give her a hug after they've yelled at her for being an idiot.  (But, then again, maybe she won't have to expect the hug because I will have killed them for calling my daughter an idiot.)

3. Speaking of authority figures... anybody ever notice that sometimes people who are in charge really, really suck at being in charge?  I think school, not necessarily preschool, is a great place for kids to learn that just because someone is in charge, doesn't mean that they deserve it. 

4. My daughter is a gentle and compassionate child.  Regardless of what the Dalai Lama says, these qualities have to be turned off, sometimes.  (Think about it, if the D.L. believed in kicking ass every now and then, all those hippies wouldn't be sporting the "Free Tibet" bumper stickers.)  On Monday, her first day of school, this little boy decided that he was in love with her and kept trying to kiss her.  I have now taught her that if he does it again, she is to whack him as hard as she can.  I feel completely good about giving her this advice and cannot think of any other circumstance in which I would have had this lovely opportunity to encourage her to assert herself violently.

5.  I get to eat McDonald's and cupcakes to make myself feel better. 

Alright, I have to go watch ParentWatch and then cry myself to sleep until it's time to pick her up.